Between that and various recent LJ posts from friends, I have come to a less fun conclusion than those that we came to on power ballads: everyone seems to either be unemployed, underemployed, or if they are employed, they hate and/or are extremely stressed out by their job. Notably, you can love a job and be extremely stressed out by it (the jobs at the newspaper were like that; it's a great job, just everyone else doesn't know how to do theirs and you end up screwed over because of that..."This job would be great if it weren't for the fucking customers."), and you can hate a job and not be stressed out by it because you've reached a point where hating it is more amusing than caring (though this is far rarer than hating and being stressed out).
But so many of us are in this situation. The stress levels are high for everyone -- those of us who need jobs and those who already have jobs. Those who have jobs are doing the work of the people who need jobs, and they're stressed the fuck out over it because no person should have to do the work of six different people, and/or their coworkers are doing the work of six different people and any help they need/want cannot be provided in a quick manner because three people are doing the work of twenty and there's no time to spare at all.
There's a solution to this, which is of course hiring folks who need jobs to do some of the work of the current incredibly stressed and annoyed employees, but companies won't do it...because they'll lose valuable profits, which are worth far more than content employees apparently.
This is where I point out that the points of Ayn Randian Super Capitalism don't work in human society, not unlike how communism doesn't work too well with us either (though it does work wonderfully for bees and ants). Yes, it is great to have money to spend on whatever you want, but if you have that money it means someone else doesn't. Which seems sort of ridiculous, when you think about it, but it's at least somewhat true, especially when it comes to a single business...and single businesses add up (along with other things), and we end up with the top 5% making 90% of the money. Or something similar.
I could also state easily the old adage of absolute power corrupting absolutely.
Anyway, I had a point when I started this but it has wandered off to chase dragonflies. I guess this is a sort of Thinking-Out-Loud reassurance that yes, everyone's life sucks, even those who do have jobs...and those who have jobs' lives suck because I (and people like me) don't have a job. I'll get whatever morsel of self-esteem I can get these days.
Unfortunately we're all stuck, and it's up to the economy to pick up and businesses to stop being greedy slave-driving assholes for any of us to get anywhere.
And sometimes, it just really sucks that you have to rely on other people who don't seem to realize the impact their decisions have on your life. You wonder how they got to where they are without realizing it...and then you realize, they probably got there because they don't realize it.
I don't want to live the rest of my life under the rule of people who have no idea how their tiniest decisions will effect others. But some days, it seems like we have no choice.
- You Don't Know How It Feels:
thoughtful
Life is full of uncertainties.
Right now, my life is a jumble of them.
I got a call on Friday afternoon concerning a job. This is, count 'em, the THIRD call I've had concerning a job since January...despite hundreds of my resumes floating out there. So of course, I called back and left a message that hopefully didn't sound too pleading.
Of course, they called on Friday afternoon at 4:30 -- the end of the work day and the end of the work week. Most likely I will not hear back until Monday morning (and of course, I'll be calling back Monday morning because it's been a long ten months and the idea of actually hearing back from anyone is sort of beyond my hopes at this point). I consider this cruel and unusual. It's a whole weekend of more than likely soon-to-be-crushed possibilities and hopes.
The job, and the interview -- if I get one -- is in Ohio.
So. Yeah. Lots of things to ponder over, stress out over, and wonder about. There are lots of possible changes. And, there's a strong possibility all this worrying will be for naught and I'll call on Monday and "Oh, you have to MOVE? Well, geez, why should we even think about interviewing you, let alone hiring you?"
Like I said. Cruel and unusual.
Sigh.
- You Don't Know How It Feels:
tired
Thanks to my being underemployed, and thanks to the cost of COBRA's health insurance coverage (which I need or I will die), I do not have any extra spending money. Basically, for the first time in my life, I haven't been able to pay off my credit card on a monthly basis -- I'm still paying the bill, of course, but not the whole of what's owed every month like I used to.
This annoys me in a way that I cannot express satisfactorily. I do not like being in debt, even if it's just a few hundred bucks.
The cost of gas is rising again, the cost of food remains higher than it was even just a couple years ago, and the cost of electricity around here is fuckin' ridiculous if I do say so myself. Even with
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
spay_away paying half the rent/electricity/water/cable bill and for some groceries, we are still just scraping by. I had to dig into my savings account the other week to pay a hospital bill. This did not make me happy.So this is more or less my way of saying: if you want to hang out, I'm sorry. I can't afford it. I would absolutely love to hang out for a day, see a movie, grab lunch out, poke around and generally enjoy what life has to offer.
But I can't.
I have to save my gas for going to work or going up to the college to meet with folks who are helping me get somewhere to get my Bachelor's degree. I have to save my money to buy bread and insulin (which, if you're curious, is what the debt on my credit card is made of...very little of that is money that shouldn't have been or didn't need to be spent).
Heck, even my commission money -- which used to be my fun money -- has been going to paying bills and my credit card.
So I apologize in advance for being unavailable for awesome things. I'm continuing my job hunt, and its depressing as all get out, and I've mostly been amusing myself at home with drawing comics and reading library books.
I know they say you can't buy love or happiness, but being able to pay the bills and buy groceries without worrying would be a real load off a lot of people's backs.
- You Don't Know How It Feels:
irritated
So, why am I frustrated? Because like so many other millions of Americans, I lack a full-time job. Admittedly, not having a job is kind of awesome and allows me to flit around and do as I please, but it also does not allow me to fund my rock 'n roll (ha ha) lifestyle. The money I earn weekly is not enhanced by my part-time job; in fact, I can only earn a limited amount because I am on unemployment.
As I spent the week discussing with my mom out in Ohio, my job requirements are absolute. I cannot be without health insurance. Ever. But I suppose I should list the things that I require for a job:
• Health insurance coverage. This is the big one. I cannot take a position if it does not have health insurance. Well, technically I can since I'm covered by COBRA right now, but in a few months my COBRA costs go back up to almost $500 a month so my job can either provide health insurance or pay me an assload of money.
You would be amazed at how many jobs do not provide health insurance. Basically anything that isn't a full-time job, a lot of the restaurant/food industry, and a good deal of independent/small businesses.
• At least $12 an hour. I think someone figured out that the minimum wage these days should be around $16 an hour? I'm making what works out to $10.60 an hour -- gross -- between unemployment and my part-time job. Net, this is around $1,200 a month. My rent/utilities is $700 a month, my car insurance is $100 a month, health insurance is $162 a month, actual health care (prescriptions, co-pays, et cetera) is around $100 a month, gas for my car is $100 a month, food is $100 a month, cat food/litter/vet is $50 a month (averaged)...figure out the math. I'm working in negatives at this point. I can live on it, thanks to having a decent amount of money saved and living with someone (note: the rent/utilities is split in my figuring; together we pay around $1,400 a month), but I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck and I'm not happy at all. I would like to make at least $15 an hour, which would allow me a tiny bit of cushion for savings, and allow my part-time job to be purely fun money and/or savings.
Interesting fact: even with an AA degree and a bit of experience in several fields, no one wants to pay you $12 an hour. Which, in my opinion, is not a lot of money.
That's it. Those are my two requirements for a job. I mean, sure, in an ideal world it would be a job that I loved: something I would look forward to waking up to every day, something that allowed me plenty of free time for art and adventuring...or even just something that didn't end every day with a headache and pondering if my health care plan covers psychotherapy.
Of course, another interesting tidbit is that one cannot afford a house in Anne Arundel County -- or most of the counties in the state of Maryland -- making $12 an hour. The average cost of a house in this county is over half a million dollars. To live comfortably, using the old "three times your salary" standby (you shouldn't have to pay more than a third of your salary for a residence; I think this has been changed to half, and most people don't pay attention to it at all, but still), you'd have to make something along the lines of $170,000 a year -- or around $80 an hour -- to afford a house in this county. And if you ever lost your job you'd be royally fucked.
Unfortunately, applying to jobs in different (more affordable) parts of the country is even more hopeless than applying to ones around where you live; I'm guessing most people just throw my resume away once they see the area code of my phone number. The few jobs that I have been able to call inquiring about positions may have glanced at my resume, but the moment where I live comes up, they shut down. "We won't pay for relocation costs."
"I have that covered,"
"...okay? We won't pay for it, though."
"I know, I have that covered."
"...right."
I've actually had that conversation.
And of course, there's the issue that I'm young and inexperienced. What on Earth would a 25-year old woman with a tiny degree and a meager amount of graphic design experience want with the professional world? Wouldn't I rather be getting a more advanced degree (so in 6 years they can ask why I want a career with just a BA or a Masters, not to mention be in debt by tens/hundreds of thousands of dollars)? Wouldn't I rather be getting settled down with a man who had a career so I can pop out babies and be a housewife? Why on earth should we hire someone with so little experience when we have willing people, with more experience than I've been alive, applying for the same position and willing to accept the same pay?
In a nutshell, I'm fucked. Royally and totally and not in a good way. No matter which way I turn, there is no end result of contentedness.
And I'm not too happy about it.
- You Don't Know How It Feels:
This whole week has been decent things, and after the long build-up of lousy things over the past couple weeks, it's felt good. My insurance company wasn't covering my hospital bill, but this week I called them and got it sorted out (it was a paperwork problem). I'd been nervous about the idea of an insulin pump and finally came to the conclusion that I needed some time to think about it; my advisors at the hospital were actually pleased about this because it let them reschedule the final session so that both could participate (one is teaching the other how it's done). I'd been worried about my unemployment going through, but calling the unemployment office got me the information that they were simply waiting for the okay from my current job. I've had a couple of inquiries about resumes I'd sent around, which is unusual -- I've been sending them out for weeks and this was the first interest I'd seen since March. Nothing seems to have come of it, because graphic design is a fickle mistress (and companies don't want to pay a professional for something they can make an office drone do for nothing), but just the interest has been a bright point to my week, and far more inspiring than rejection letters (even if it ends that way). I'd been a bit stressed out by money (it's been around two weeks since my last check; I don't live paycheck-to-paycheck but very close to it, and between rent and bills going through all at once I was pretty broke) but I checked yesterday and the whole process had been finished and there was my first check of my extension. I won't have to worry about that for 33 weeks now, which is a huge load off my back. Not quite as good as finding a new job, of course, but the whole "I can pay rent and buy groceries" thing is always a good thing. And of course, I've been a lot more productive concerning art and cooking recently, which is a change from the past few months.
of course, we're only 5 days into September, so there's plenty of time for things to go wrong.
- You Don't Know How It Feels:
awake
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